4 donuts with vampire teeth in the center

How to Stop Attracting Energy Vampires

This info is also available in audio:

The first day we spoke, the energy vampire got mad at me. I had a women join my team. Let’s call her Judy. When we met I said “Hi, I’m Lori, your team leader. Welcome. Do you have any questions about your new job?” She introduced herself and starting taking me on a tour of everything that was wrong in her life. Again, I just met her. 

So, I cut her off about 3 sentences in to stop the vomiting of her issues all over me. 

She appeared to be accustomed to playing on people’s sympathies to draw them in so she could feed off their energy. 

This is a mark of an energy vampire. An energy vampire is someone who drains the energy of someone and leaves them feeling exhausted or depleted. They may constantly seek attention, complain, or engage in negative behavior that affects others around them. 

And, I wanted nothing to do with that, so I set a hard boundary. I even moved a piece of a granite on my desk in between us to help keep our energies separate.

I said, “I’m sorry to hear that. Did you have any questions about your new job?”

She said, “I was trying to tell you, and you interrupted me which is rude.”

I said, “I did. I’m not the person and this isn’t the place or time to share these personal things. But, I can help if you have any questions about your job.”

She said, “I don’t think you’re a very good leader.”

I said. “Ok. That’s not a question. If you do have any issues or concerns that are job related, please know my door is always open.”

Have you ever gotten trapped in a conversation by someone who wanted you to listen to all their problems but had no intention of solving them?

Well, this article is for you. We’ll explore what an energy vampire is, what they do, and how to stop attracting them.

What is an Energy Vampire?

Energy vampires is an it-girl topic right now, so my hope it that I can share some info that you might not already know. 

Maybe change your perceive on what you’ve already heard. We’ll see.

Let’s start with a definition. What is an energy vampire? It sounds so dramatic.

An energy vampire describes a person who drains the energy of others and leaves them feeling exhausted or depleted. Identifying an energy vampire can be tough, as they often disguise their behavior and intentions behind charm and charisma. Right up to that moment where you realize, hey, I’m feeling nauseous, tired, headachy or like I could sleep for a week.  Or, maybe you have an emotional reaction where you’re suddenly irritable or even angry. These reactions may indicate you’ve entered an energy vampire’s lair.

That video cracks me up!

People take energy from you all the time, Empath. And, there are times when you probably give it up freely. In human relations, there’s a lot of give and take, energy wise. But, an energy vampire consumes your bright-light empathic energy and gives none back.

5 Signs You’ve Spotted an Energy Vampire

1. The Constant Complaining

One of the most common signs of an energy vampire is their constant complaining. They may have a negative outlook on life and may complain about everything from their family, job, health, to the weather. They have notes on everything. 

And you may notice, they complain about the same things repeatedly. They complain without taking any steps to solve the problems that seems to bother them so much. 

Because, if they solved their problems, what would they bitch and whine about? They are a walking talking stream of constant negativity, which can leave those around them feeling depleted and frustrated.

When I met Judy, her first words to me were complaints. It’s a red flag.

2. Oh, The Drama

Energy vampires thrive on drama. If they can’t find it, they create it. If they do find it, they stoke the flames of unhinged spectacle and conflict to get attention and/or sympathy. They may also excel at playing the victim and seeking constant reassurance and validation from others. Their need for attention and drama can be draining for those around them, as it often requires a great deal of emotional parkour to navigate being in their presence.

When I cut Judy off from complaining, she critiqued my job performance, even though she’d just met me. She said I wasn’t a good leader to get me to engage with her and stir the drama pot.

3. Look-At-Me Behavior

Energy vampires are “look at me” people and exhibit attention-seeking behaviors. They are here-I-am people, not there-you-are people. Energy vampires need constant attention and validation. When deprived of the spotlight, they may become upset or agitated. They may lash out. They may also interrupt conversations or try to redirect the conversation back to themselves, in an attempt to keep the focus. This constant need for the spotlight can be – you guessed it – exhausting for those around them.

Judy couldn’t bring herself to ask me a question about her new job because that would have taken the spotlight off of her and put it on me.

4. Lack of Empathy

Energy vampires may also exhibit a lack of empathy for others. They often don’t consider the impact of their behavior on those around them or take the feelings of others into account. They may also be quick to judge or criticize others, while being oblivious to their own responsibility in their current situation. Instead of the connection they long for, an energy vampire can create a sense of emotional distance and disconnection.

Judy quickly judged my ability to lead and shared her notes with me without any regard for how it would make me feel or effect my ability to connect with her.

5.Feeling Drained

Finally, if you consistently feel drained or depleted after spending time with someone, it may be a sign that they are an energy vampire. Being cornered into a conversation with an energy vampire can be exhausting. They tend to focus on negative topics, criticizing others, or constantly seeking reassurance. They may also engage in gossip or talk about others behind their backs, which can be emotionally draining for those around them.

Additionally, conversations with energy vampires may be one-sided, with the energy vampire dominating the conversation and not allowing others to contribute. Their goal is to create and exacerbate a tense or energetically-charged situation.

As a result, you may feel emotionally exhausted, physically drained, or mentally fatigued. These feelings may linger even after you’ve left their presence and can leave you feeling irritable or depressed.

Remember, not everyone who exhibits these behaviors is an energy vampire, and it’s important to approach each situation with empathy and understanding. However,  the key ingredient here of consistently feel drained or depleted after spending time with someone, it may be an indication you’ve spotted an energy vampire. 

How to Stop Attracting Energy Vampires

In a world made of energy, like calls to like. You are the reason they showed in your world, because you were an energetic match to them on some level. This doesn’t mean you are an energy vampire. It usually means you have the same theme or life lesson or hurt that needs resolution or healing. 

There has to be the other side of the equation for it to be true. Without the other side, it’s a false statement. 

3 + 3 = ø

3 plus 3 doesn’t equal nothing. It equals 6. So, in this example, 3 + 3 would be an energy vampire, and you would be the 6.  If your energy were a 5, then you wouldn’t be a match.

The world you’re looking at right now was created with yesterday’s thoughts, actions, and words. In other words, everyone you met and everything that happens is energy calling like to like. If there’s something in that world you’re not happy with, then you have the power to change it.

For example, Judy had an unmet expectation creating her world. She desperately needed to be seen and heard, because she didn’t feel validated. She’d manifested an elaborate tale of woe to accomplish this. Being stuck on the victim channel exhausted her own energy and in her case appeared to have made her sick. Binge watching the victim channel takes a lot of energy. She wanted my energy, because she was energetically exhausted.

Compassion For Energy Vampires

didn’t blame her for this. Actually, I had a lot of compassion for all her suffering. I didn’t feel she was conscious of the part she was playing in her own misery.

No judgment here. You don’t know what you don’t know. But, that didn’t mean I was willing to sacrifice my well being for hers.

Instead, once I got home in an energy neutral space, I recalled meeting her and how I felt. She showed up in my life, so some how initially, I completed the equation. On some level, Lori = Judy. Her need to be seen and validated meant there was something in me that needed to be seen and validated. I was the other half of the equation. I looked for her hurt in me. And, when I found it, I healed it.

I was healing in me what I felt in Judy.


There’s a Hawaiian word Ho’oponopono. It’s a practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It translates into English as correction. There’s a lot to this beautiful ritual, but the gist of it is this mantra.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

The basic idea is if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you experience would be your responsibility, because it is in your life. The problem would not be with our external reality, it will only ever be with ourselves. Because, everything exists as a projection yesterday’s thoughts, actions, and words.

This doesn’t mean the state of everything is your fault. It means you have great power to change that with which you aren’t happy. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you accept the blame. Forgiveness cuts loose the burden of heartbreak and pain. Because when we heal the painful parts, we are free. We heal the world by healing ourselves.

So, how do we keep the energy vampires out of our lives. We heal ourselves and therefore stop being an energetic match. In fact, we can use this same technique to make right anything in our lives that we don’t like. Most importantly, we can do this because we are extremely powerful beings and these are extremely powerful words.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

woman in a purple shirt with pink glasses
Lori Morrow Kelley

Lori is an empath supporter, podcaster, and blogger living in Texas. She is a gifted over analyzer and dog lover and spends most of her time doing both.

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