I attract victims like karaoke night attracts extroverts. A career victim can waste hours of our collective time sharing their drama diary full of victim tales while I offer stellar solutions that they have no intention of implementing.
And, when the victim can’t stop complaining, I end up torn between the compassion I feel for their obvious misery and my desire to smother them with a pillow, so they will stop whining.
But, I’ve also been that whiner. I’ve gotten stuck telling my elaborate tale of woe to super patient and kind people who probably found themselves questioning the long-term nature of our friendship.
I’ve been a captive watcher of, but have also had a starring role on, the Victim Channel.
Entitlement Trap of the Victim Mindset
I can get really comfortable in the victim mindset, when I feel like I’m entitled to it. This thing happened to me, so I DESERVE to feel bad. And, you absolutely do. There is no shame in feeling your feelings. The issue comes when you hang on to that hurt and get stuck. Here’s why:
Negative attracts more negative.
In fact, a victim’s negative thoughts are so powerful that they can actually call those negative beliefs into their own reality. When those negative thoughts create your reality, they bring all their negative friends.
When I start binge watching the victim channel, I become a misery magnet that attracts all manner of sucky stuff. I create the sh*t storm, because that’s where my focus is.
When I focus on life sucking, the Universe assumes I want more sucky things, events, and people who suck, and it sends them my way. It’s like I place an order for narcissist, whiners and a**holes, and they are delivered to me promptly.
But, that’s on me. I placed the order and it was filled to my specifications. I chose my focus.
The Way Out of the Victim Mindset
Of course, you can’t be a victim AND take responsibility for your situation. (And, taking responsibility is completely different from blaming yourself.) Taking responsibility means that you put down the shovel you’ve used to dig the dark and lonely hole you’re in, and you find the way out.
Once you take responsibility for all the thoughts and choices that got you to this point, you are free. Taking responsibility doesn’t excuse any terrible things that may have happened to you. Instead, it frees you to cut loose the burden of heartbreak. It frees you to reimagine your world and your place in it.
It frees you to choose a different channel.
Are You Triggered?
Does reading that paragraph trigger a negative response in you? “She just doesn’t understand what I’ve been through!” or “You’ve never experienced the kind of loss, abuse, or whatever truly horrific thing has happened.” Those statements are true. I have not.
I can attempt to stand with you in your reality, but I’ll never actually be you. What I can say is that, you will still be stuck where you are until you are ready to let go.
I know. It’s hard. I struggle sometimes too.
If you’re not ready, no judgment here. I, too, have held on tightly to that which kept me from a better life. I did it for way too long and gained nothing from the struggle but more heartbreak.
Here's The Truth
You deserve a great life.
Everything is working out for your highest good.
The control over your peace is in your hands.
You have great power and much to offer.
Your contribution is valuable and essential in this place, at this time.
All is well.
Seriously.
But, you’ve got to get off the Victim Channel.
Take a deep breath.
Let it go.
Ask for help.
Joy is going to look so good on you.
Just choose a different channel.
